Disconnected in an Unconnected World

I don't use social media because I dislike the feeling I get after spending time on these platforms. It's not just about wasting time; there's something draining about these apps. I feel exhausted and even depressed afterward. It's different from just lying on your bed doing nothing or writing this post. Even if those activities might be seen as a waste of time, I generally feel more relaxed and better afterward.

I think one reason for this is that what you see on social media is often fake or just a tiny fraction of reality. Despite knowing that these platforms present a distorted view, there's a primitive part of the human brain that makes you constantly compare yourself to others. Knowing your own weaknesses while only seeing the curated highlights of others' lives can understandably lead to such feelings.

At the same time, avoiding these apps makes me feel disconnected from people. It’s not about FOMO or not being "cool"; it’s about not being able to meet people or stay "connected." Reflecting on this, I realize that the primary purpose of these apps often seems to be connecting with potential partners or communities of interest. There's a tendency to engage in "innocent" flirting while maintaining a main relationship, interacting constantly, sending funny videos, liking posts, and showing interest—all while convincing yourself that you’re not doing anything wrong. People often underestimate the impact of being easily reachable or reaching others in a relationship, which could be a topic for another post.

In the age of Instagram and Tinder, having a presentable online profile is crucial for getting partners. These apps make it easy to categorize someone or show them off to friends, saying, "Hey, this is the person I’m seeing. They’re so cool/hot..." While these apps can help in getting laid, I question whether they truly facilitate deep connections with friends. How can you form meaningful relationships on a platform designed to keep you hooked with constant dopamine hits and mostly fake content? I'm not sure.

So, I've decided to start a blog—not to seek sympathy, but to pass the time, reflect on my thoughts, and maybe even meet people if possible. I’m unsure if anyone will stumble upon this blog, but I can pretend there are curious readers, and we’ll be "connected."

As I write this first post, I feel dizzy, which is normal after taking a few punches. I also feel anxious and nervous, considering the upcoming boxing match next week. The fact that my opponent is bigger than me doesn’t make it any easier. But there’s one more thing I want to discuss before wrapping up:

I sometimes struggle with managing stress, and I’m actively adding more to my plate. My work is already overwhelming, and now I’m adding this match on top of it. Why do I do this?

My answer is that I have an image in my mind that I’m trying to achieve. I know I’ll feel better once it’s over. I want to feel alive, and this challenge contributes to that. I want to experience the novelty of my personality and my uniqueness. I want to be myself—or maybe someone different and versatile.

I think it’s similar with relationships. It’s not just about sex or orgasm; it’s about the excitement of the process. The thrill of meeting someone new, the first conversations, the first kiss, and the first intimacy. I might be facing a "bigger" opponent—myself—while trying to build a relationship or find someone special in my life, but that’s the only way I truly feel alive. That’s why I continue to pursue it. Even though I often expect to fail, I keep fighting, and each time, my fears are validated. It makes me wonder how I’ve created such a formidable internal enemy and whether I can ever defeat it.

What if I can never win? Does it really matter? I hope I can win because, as Bukowski said, "learning to win is hard—any slob can be a good loser." But even if I can't win, I won’t be losing as long as I don’t give up. There’s no special prize for the winner in the end; we all turn to dust.

As I finish my first post, I hope this blog and this post help me feel alive someday. Maybe we can be alive together, whoever is reading this. Until then, take care!